why hopper painted gaspumps



why everytime i go home
home to parents’ house
more brokenthings
rotpaint windowsill
loose bricks
cloggedfilter coffeepot

why on xmas morning
8yearsold
found dead missy
blockage catcancer
right under christmastree
between karaoke machine and keds
dad said no heaven
missy’s under tomatoes outback

why i was 10yearsold divorced
rushed into it
cricketbaby in waterbottle
married stephen burnette
3weeks kissed eachother’s scabs
wore grassknots around fingers
weekfour he took it off
him all nakedfinger pentacostal
me short hair pants no crying
took grassknot off own finger
ate it

why i dream crazyman dreams
crazyman insides on cement
insides cement leaking
megalomaniac out of skin bones
lookdown at neck still pulsing
jugular squirming under priestcollar
call me ishmael
it works

why brother tablesets bong on poembooks
works dangelos
tells people when to take cigarette breaks
comes home smokes coffeetable bong
longneck bigbowl onehit high
stoned calls to talk andrei’s class
calls to talk my poems how i’ll be poetsister
even though poetbrother writes own poems allday

why everytime i peel an orange
rind doesn’t come off orangemeat
and why bitter write a poem about oranges

why papa calls me olga
call me julia call me ishmael
olga is mother who we all call maria
he shows me same five pictures
sepia computerscans
papa olga yeya juan
all cardenas snapshot smiling
then shows them again for first time

why i see people talking taxes
talking taxes on allchannels
talking classwarfare
and why i never see sharyl
sharyl who cleans dorm bathroom
sharyl who stoop smokes with me mornings
never see her talking taxes with them

why my copay is $45 eyedoctor
$40 general practitioner
under $10 pharmacy
and lady outside hospitality house
crazy rocking holds stick
stick to stabalize fracture
wraps arms in bandaids
says the doctor did it this morning

why some plastic goggles scientist
dives to seafloor with little shovel and masonjar
jar scoops seals diatoms
diatoms with glass shells and big vacuoles
to make toothpaste reflective streetpaint abrasives

why i go morning into night
trying to make everything fit
capricorn horoscope in paper

why my parents met boyfriend
went out to eat five six times
but never knew danielle
how i loved her too

why hopper paints gaspumps
with no one standing at them
and why i would paint gaspumps too
if i could put my finger on it